Dolly and Elise

How it started,

It’s funny how things happen, and meeting Judi and Elise was one of those moments. I was walking Dolly around the village on a Sunday morning when a family stepped out of a house and spotted us. The woman, originally from South Africa, said, “Oh please, can we take a photo? We never see this in South Africa.”

So Dolly and I stopped for an impromptu photo shoot. The dad lifted the little children onto Dolly’s bare back while his wife took pictures. I hadn’t realised that one of the boys wasn’t part of their family. Just as we were about to leave, his mum - Judi — appeared.

She said, “I wish my daughter had seen this. She rides all the time, but they won’t let her help at the school because she’s too young for the insurance.” We chatted for a bit, and out of nowhere — and she said many times afterwards that she doesn’t know where it came from — she asked, “Could Elise come and help out with Dolly?”

Even more surprising, without meeting Elise (who was 11 at the time) and despite the fact I’m not remotely maternal, I said yes. 

Energy and Groundwork

When Judi and Elise arrived at the yard the following Sunday, I took one look at Elise and thought, “Oh gosh… she’s so small.”
This photo was taken a few weeks later, but it shows the scale perfectly — Elise standing beside Dolly, looking like she could tuck herself under Dolly’s neck without Dolly even noticing. I later learned she weighed only four and a half stone. Dolly, at 15.3 hh and built like a tank, made her look tiny.

Because of that size difference, I said to Judi, “I think the wisest thing is to show Elise how to move her around using her energy. Then if they ever have a dispute, Elise will have the knowledge to keep herself safe.”

Judi was so intrigued by what I was saying that she didn’t just agree — she immediately asked if she could stay and watch.

Dolly and Elise  - Bareback

I soon realised Elise wasn’t just a child who liked horses.
She had a sharp instinct, a steady mind, and a natural feel for animals you simply can’t teach.

With a bit of groundwork under her belt, she and Dolly were becoming genuine friends.

It wasn’t long before she persuaded both me and her mum to let her ride Dolly bareback.
My saddle didn’t fit her anyway — her legs were far too short — and she actually sat more securely without it.

So she rode in a natural horsemanship halter with a single 12-foot rope clipped at both ends as reins.
No bridle. No “handles.” Just balance, intention, and trust.

That first ride told me everything.
She didn’t rush. She wasn’t trying to “achieve” anything. She simply walked Dolly around the arena, talking to her, stroking her, enjoying being up there.

Yes, the size difference was obvious — tiny Elise on my broad, powerful mare — but the bigger truth was this: Dolly trusted her.

It became a learning curve for all of us.
Elise wasn’t intimidated by big horses or responsibility, and I wasn’t used to guiding someone so young.
We were all learning each other’s language as we went.​

Cheek or Communication?

In this video you see Dolly give a couple of small, gentle hops at the start. Elise sits them beautifully — balanced, calm, and trusting Dolly not to overreact.

Those hops weren’t bucks or “testing.”
They were Dolly’s way of saying:

“You’re asking me to go forward, but you’re holding me at the same time.”

Elise had a light feel on the rope — not a lot, but just enough to give mixed signals. I also didn’t appreciate at the time that a natural horsemanship halter, with thinner rope and pressure points, can amplify even small contact.

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That was a lesson for me later:
in trying to avoid the impact of traditional riding techniques, I’d accidentally created a different kind of pressure. A mistake made with good intentions — the kind that happens easily when we’re trying to improve things but aren’t given the full truth about the equipment we use.

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As soon as I asked Elise to soften her reins, Dolly relaxed instantly and moved forward freely.
You can see the rope loosen when she settles into the trot.

Dolly wasn’t being “naughty.”
She was communicating.

And the moment the message was heard, everything improved — because Dolly wasn’t unwilling. She was confused about what was being asked, and it wasn’t long before that little girl had that horse cantering round that arena on both reins.

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This is exactly the foundation of what I now teach through Dolly Communication:
that trust-based horsemanship, clear boundaries, and listening without ego create safer, calmer, more connected partnerships for both horse and human.

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