Horse Listening – The Dolly Way™
A living, breathing, sentient being has the right to an opinion.
As their guardians, we must learn to listen.
What is Horse Listening?
Horse Listening begins with a simple but powerful belief:
As living, breathing, sentient beings, horses have a right to express themselves—and to be heard.
Just like any meaningful relationship, this means we sometimes need to compromise. It may not always align with our own agenda, but the rewards of listening are profound.
A horse that feels truly heard becomes not only more willing—but one of the greatest teachers you will ever have.
Every Behaviour Is a Message
At the heart of Horse Listening is the understanding that there’s no such thing as a “naughty” horse. What we often label as bad behaviour is usually a message:a signal of fear,a reaction to pain,or a sign of confusion.When these messages are ignored, horses naturally try harder to get through to us. And sometimes, that escalation is misread as defiance.
Ask What, Not Just How
But true listening goes beyond reading body language or noticing mood changes. It’s about asking deeper questions.
-
Why doesn’t my horse want to be caught?
-
Why does she nip at me?
-
Why is he girthy or resistant when tacked up?
Instead of jumping to correct the behaviour, Horse Listening encourages us to look at what led up to that moment—and what the horse is really trying to communicate. From there, we can make thoughtful changes that support the horse's emotional wellbeing.
This Is Not About Spoiling Your Horse
This isn’t about spoiling your horse, avoiding riding, or stepping away from competition.
I believe that horses enjoy being with us. They like learning. They thrive on praise and connection—as long as they feel safe, understood, and capable of what we’re asking.
We all feel nervous when facing something new. For a prey animal like the horse, that nervousness can easily turn into survival-level fear. Our role is to help them find safety in our presence, so we can guide them forward with curiosity, not force.
Fear Isn’t Defiance
Adding dominance to a frightened horse might produce obedience in the short term—but it’s not trust.
What looks like cooperation can be anxiety in disguise, suppressed to avoid punishment. Over time, that anxiety builds, and it often leads to the very behaviours people call “unpredictable.”
Horse Listening looks beneath the surface. It helps you uncover the causes of behaviour, lower your horse’s anxiety, and reintroduce tasks gently when they feel more regulated and ready.
What Your Horse Carries Without You Knowing
Not all fear is about the task in front of them. Horses live in a domesticated world that doesn’t always meet their needs.
They can carry low-level stress from their environment—and they often absorb feelings from us through their powerful senses and the vagus nerve.
When we learn to listen with more than our eyes, we discover how much our horses are already trying to tell us. And everything begins to change.
A Lesson in Listening (Dolly Style)
When a Routine Works, Don’t Let Guilt Break It
When Dolly and I moved to a new yard, the only available stable was isolated and not to her liking she had made that very clear. Plans had been made for her to be out with another horse through the winter so it shouldn’t have been a problem, but things changed as they do, and that didn’t happen. We had a conversation, and she begrudgingly settled into a routine. She made it clear she was fine staying out until I arrived after work—even in the dark after the other horses had come in. The field was well lit by two adjacent roads and the stables were literally through a tunnel into the yard so she could sense the horses were still close. She trusted me. We had a rhythm, and I honoured it.
Other People’s Worries Can Drown Out Your Knowing
But a woman on the yard started pestering me. She insisted it wasn’t right for Dolly to be out alone and offered to bring her in when she arrived at the yard and it was still light. I knew she meant well, but I knew Dolly wouldn’t appreciate it, so I said no. Every night she would pester me saying I was cruel leaving Dolly out alone. When I knew that Dolly was grazing happily until she heard my car and came to the gate. As is often the case with this kind of kindness I gave in. She made me feel guilty when I clearly knew what was best for Dolly, and I caved in and agreed to her bringing her in.
When Whispers Go Unheard, Horses Shout
I asked each night if Dolly had been good and she would say yes everything was fine, Midweek she said Dolly was “just being a horse” which made me question her, but she would not elaborate and just repeated everything was fine. Finally on Saturday with more time to talk I found out the truth: Dolly wasn’t happy coming in and had started to communicate but no-one was listening.
I had told Dolly the lady would bring her in, so Monday she was grazing when the woman fetched her apparently at 2.30pm a whole three and a half hours before I usually arrived. A whole three and a half hours Dolly was alone in the isolated stable. Tuesday Dolly started avoiding her, standing across a river to make it harder to be caught. I could see what was happening—this wasn’t misbehaviour. It was communication. The woman could get into the field the other side of the river but to bring Dolly in they had to come through the river using the usually slightly submerged stepping stones. The woman hadn’t listened so by Friday Dolly had upped the ante. The woman said “I was wise to her yesterday when I fetched her, she was being a bit lively, so I held her just by the headcollar and when we got to the river she pulled her head up and cantered across. I was glad I could just let go and didn't have her on her lead rope. Then the cheeky thing ran to the gate and stood watching me wade across as if to say, 'well come on then.' ". I was trying hard not to laugh that was so typical Dolly, but I was also concerned. The stepping stones were slippery and that accessible part of the river was not very hard. Dolly was good at using her belly to push you of balance if she was showing disapproval. This could have been a nasty accident. If Dolly had pulled the woman over, she could have hurt herself badly falling in that stream. As it was, I got the feeling Dolly splashed well and got the woman wet. Horses speak in whispers until they have to shout when no-one is listening. Dolly had tried to tell the woman not to bring her in.
When You Don't Listen, Your Horse Will Teach You
Now Dolly turned the game on me too, probably deciding that I was to blame for letting the woman bring her in so early. When I went to fetch her that night, she was across the river. When I called her, she pretended she couldn’t cross the river—even though I’d seen her do it easily many times. She’d look at me, then at the water, backing off dramatically as if it were impossible. The act was Oscar-worthy.
I refused to play along. I walked away and said “good night, Dolly” I left her to it. I wasn’t getting wet boots. I knew she would come when she could see I wasn’t falling for her game.
She Wasn’t Playing Games. She Was Holding Boundaries.
The yard buzzed with judgement—“Poor Dolly, left in the dark!” But I knew better. Dolly wasn’t distressed. She was asserting a boundary, she did not want to be in that stable longer than necessary. I asserted my boundary (although I didn’t use these terms at the time). If Dolly wanted to come in, she had to come to the gate as usual. I left her until all the other horses were in and then I went to fetch her again. She was stood by the gate now. She understood and I honoured her wishes and didn’t let anyone bring her in early again.
What Looks Like Cheekiness Is Often Cleverness
What looked like cheekiness was actually cleverness. Dolly was a queen of evasion and had many ways to kindly tell you if she didn’t like something. If you didn’t listen, then she would up the ante like all horses, and that is when accidents happen. What sounded like concern from others was really about their own discomfort—not Dolly’s needs.
Trust What You Know — Even When Others Don’t
That night, I realised something powerful: Listening to your horse means trusting what you know about them—even when others don't get it. Dolly wasn’t just teaching me about her—she was showing me how to listen, how to hold my ground, and how to spot the difference between control and care.
I Speak for the Horse
by Lorraine Mitchell © 2023
I speak for the horse.
Strong and fast. Muscular and athletic.
Gentle, loyal, loving and healing.
The horse we have used and abused for thousands of years , stands still by our sides to be used even more.
We speak of love and use gadgets and spurs.
We speak of partnership and use bits and whips.
They speak from the heart if only we would listen.
The loss is physically theirs when we fail to hear.
Yet the true loss is ours with the love that we miss.
The depth of healing, tenderness and truth we chose not to hear
for fear we lose control.